you know, if an adult is a nice person that’s not “innocence.” they learned how to actively be a good person. they’re not some eternal child
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also i’m gonna be real why is it that being nice in general is seen as a childish or immature trait
because capitalists want you to think that empathy is juvenile so you’ll look the other way as they commit atrocities
I honestly have an issue with people taking me seriously because they think I’m “naive”. I know how shitty the world is, I’m not naive, I just insistently align myself with approaching the world with as much kindness, gentleness, and love as possible
Game: You need to be about level 20 to defeat this boss!
Me: oh geez I better go do some grinding
Me, two weeks later overleveled by 80, returning to the boss: I’m your god now
Game: You need to be about level 20 to defeat this boss!
My level 2 ass who is about to have a come-to-Jesus meeting: that is just a recommendation right?
Two types of gamers
We the Kinky…
We the Kinky, of the BDSM Culture, in order to form a more Unified society, establish Safe Sane and Consensual, insure Tolerance, provide awareness against Predators, promote general Wellbeing, and secure the blessings of Knowledge to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Guideline for the Sexually Liberated.
Guidelines of Liberation:
1. Protect yourself - You are the first and last defense for your well being, take the time and effort to know who you are playing with. Vetting someone is not telling them you don’t trust them, it’s telling them that you care about yourself. If they have a problem with this, they may not have your best interests at heart. Additionally, Safewords are a valuable method of communication. Assign no stigma to them, (you are not ruining a scene, or disappointing your partner, by using them) as they can prevent problems; physical, mental and emotional.
2. Inform Yourself - There are many resources for beginners and advanced alike, FIND THEM! Knowledge and furthering your education about kinks will allow you to get more out of your time and allow you to explore new things. It will also help you communicate your needs with a partner (or potential)
3. Know Yourself - While the fantasy that your partner knows you better than you do is great. It is almost never the case early on. Know what drives you, why you choose this lifestyle. What you wish to gain or give. Know what is important to you, and what you need from it.
4. Choose your own Identity - never let someone else tell you who or what you are. Labels can be a trap or even be misleading If you feel you are “something” then don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. For some even having an “Identity” is limiting, so remember that “Choosing not to decide, is still a choice” (and an option)
5. Choose your own Limits - Your limits are exactly that, YOURS. You decide what you Will Not do, or Must Have, in your relationships. No one else can make that determination for you. You certainly CAN choose to have no limits with a trusted partner, but that is YOUR choice, not theirs.
6. Choose your own Kink - Enjoy what you enjoy… It’s OK… You are free to be you. Don’t hesitate to experiment, Read, LEARN. But above all, be kind and true to yourself.
7. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate - Mind reading is not possible. Knowing a person so deeply that you can read or predict them is. But that usually takes years of… you guessed it… Communication. You have to learn how to communicate; your needs, your desires, your fears… even if it’s a crayon drawing, make the effort to make yourself understood. This will only benefit your relationships.
8. Protect your Partner(s) - There are times when someone has placed trust in you. Those times are when they are most vulnerable. This is true for both sides of the slash. Sometimes you can push yourself beyond your own limits “for the sake of your partner” and it’s possible they are doing the same. This scenario can end badly. Simple “yellow” safewords (by either side) can mean the difference between a good scene and a bad one. Additionally, knowing their medical or special needs is critical.
9. Protect your Friends - Be there for them, to talk to, to confide in, on the watch for red flags they may miss. Pay attention to who is approaching them at public gatherings, require communications from them before they leave with people they did not arrive with. Be their safe call. We all have the potential to miss important tells when the NRE (New Relationship Energy) kicks in. Since you are on the outside, your feedback and watchfulness may make the difference one day… Likewise, be ready to accept this same input from another trusted friend.
10. Protect your Community - Be aware of, and Follow, the rules and policies of any venue, Public or Private. Do not Create or Bring Drama to public venues, sometimes it’s unavoidable, so work closely with the venue’s administration to minimize this. Creating problems, or failing to follow established rules and guidelines can get venues closed or create undesired law enforcement interdiction. Don’t be that person.
11. Accept the Variety - Remember that your kink is not everyone else’s just as theirs may not be yours. Be kind and remember that we all have different tastes with the same mantra of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If we cannot be accepting of each other in this community, we certainly should not expect those outside our realm to accept us.
12. Cause no Harm - Never knowingly out someone, spread rumors about others, or do anything to undermine another relationship (except #8 above). It’s simply bad form. Again, don’t be that person.
-Grymjahk
This is an outstanding piece, well worth reading, understanding, and applying.
The Double-Edged Sword of Brattiness
“But I’m warning you, I’m kind of a brat.”
“No you’re not. You’re just a girl who hasn’t had firm boundaries and desperately needs them.”
This was a few years ago, in my baby sub days. I had been kind of bratty in past relationships, but this Dom was not one to tolerate it. I worried he wouldn’t like me. But it turns out that he was right about me. I had always been bratty because I had a deep need for structure that had never been met. I was bratty because I was clawing for boundaries that weren’t there. I teased because it felt like the only way to be thrown down and ravaged. I intentionally broke rules because it felt like the only way I’d feel that tight control closing in on me. I wasn’t a brat; I was a submissive who craved deep and unrelenting dominance. Ownership. I just didn’t know how to get it.
Now that I understand what I need, I can mostly quell those bratty impulses. When I need to feel my Dominant’s control, I say so in a meta talk. I ask how I can serve. I ask permission for things (and sometimes hope for a “no”). I give my Dominant opportunities to lead. I find ways to feel those firm boundaries within my role, rather than stepping out of it.
But part of me thinks there is still value in brattiness—not in outright disobedience, but maybe in close calls. You approach the electrified fence. You hear the hum. You use something to test it. Maybe you get a quick zap, just to know it’s there and working. But you don’t barrel through the fence. Gently testing the boundaries can be a comforting reminder that they are there and strong. You are submitting to something, not just making it up in your head. A little brattiness can also signal confidence in the dynamic. It’s only when you know the leash is there that you can tug on it a little.
That’s the key—a little. There’s a rush of connection from being put in your place, but it wears off. And then you’re left in a worse place than when you started. It can be tempting to push at the boundaries, especially when you desperately need to feel them. But brattiness is not giving your Dominant opportunities to lead. You cannot disobey your way to firm boundaries and deep ownership. Playfulness is one thing, but intentional disobedience is toxic to the dynamic. Instead, you lean in. You ask permission. You have open, honest conversations about what you need and what is missing. Brattiness may make a spark, but it’s rarely enough to build a fire.
It has taken me some time to figure it out. But no, I’m not a brat. I like to say that I’m a good girl…96.2% of the time.
The precision of that 96.2% made me chuckle. The money shot: “You cannot disobey your way to firm boundaries and deep ownership. Playfulness is one thing, but intentional disobedience is toxic to the dynamic.”
honestly, like the hottest and most turned on i ever got was when a boy sincerely wanted me to fix my sleep schedule to something healthier and have me eat a reasonable meal every day at regular times and made sure i wasn’t negatively criticizing myself too much about this, that and the other thing, and regularly checked up on me for all of it.
anyway, that’s how this girl thrives. and it’s also what turns me into a filthy, desperate, giggling little slut for someone worthy of it.
Ever notice my goodnight is at 7:30 p.m. pacific time?
I have a settling routine before we crawl into bed. Bedtime is a rule I often dislike, and can feel the resistance bubbling up. But He’s not wrong (as fucking usual thhhhbbblll👅) about putting me on a more rigid schedule.
I’m up often by 3 in the morning here. I love the quiet cool stillness of that time. Just me and the forest swaying to the rhythm of my own footfalls as I feel the the darness surrounding me like a protective skin.